I don't think I'll review this

Remember when that band Outclassed played at my house? It was some time last summer I guess. They were touring with another band called No Babies and they both smelled completely awful and played that super-loud, super-fast, screamy hardcore that bands were so fond of playing at that house, but they ended up probably being some of the nicest dudes that ever slept on my living room floor. So I was kind of bummed to see that Terminal Boredom gave them what must be the worst/deuchiest review a band has ever received.

Outclassed “This Could Be Coincidence” 12” EP
Whoa. I find it baffling that in the harrowingly expansive, uber-derivative state underground music exists in today that more people don’t catch onto it being as much about what you don’t do as what you do. And that those who don’t catch on send this tripe over to fucking Termbo. Good call! I don’t think I’ll review this. But here’s what I will do. I’ll leave you with a sample dollop of their beautifully pretentious upward-reaching scarf-wrapping prose they’ve set atop erratic, emotional math-metal tinged nu-hardcore: So consider this my letter of resignation, of slurred word on cracked concrete, life cannot be defined by these lines of symmetry, this sterile pulse, this silent motive. But we keep searching the sky for answers, when will we realize they are held firmly in our hidden wispers (sic) locked deep in the silence of our greatest fears and dearest friends… Oh, okay. My friends almost graduated high school. Now they make fun of kids like you from their bar stools upon returning from the mill and warehouse. Sometimes I wish I could fool myself into believing in the sincerity of this schlock, as I’d estimate they impress more babes with their ability to turn a supposedly damaged psyche into a an extroverted quest for a hug than say, oh, I don’t know, Black Flag did with their relentless masochism. Life is tough, y’know? But it’s not a lost cause. Keep on keepin’ on. Keep dreaming. Girls always buy that shit. GO STEELERS.
(Forcefield Records // www.forcefieldrecords.org)