BONES AND ALL

A few weeks ago I drank with a crazy old professor at a coffee shop. I remember that the whole time I really needed to be sober and making a new lesson plan. But I stayed, thinking that I would miss something important if I left. I wrote this kind of quickly the next day so that I would remember everything. I should have turned off the caps lock.

WON APPROACHED ME ON THE PATIO AT THE ONLY STARBUCKS IN CHEONAN WITH 3 BEERS AND AN ENGINEERING STUDENT. THEY SAT WITH ME AND WE DRANK.

WON SAID MY NAME WAS TOO DIFFICULT. HE WOULD, HE SAID, CALL ME WON. HE SAID HE TEACHES INVESTMENT. AND THAT IN AMERICA, HE HAD 15 JOBS IN 2 YEARS.

HE TOLD THE POOR SHY ENGINEER TO BE HIS STENOGRAPHER. THEN CALLED HIS POOR SHY GIRLFRIEND CONSERVATIVE. HE APOLOGIZED. HE CAN, HE EXPLAINED, BE BEAUROCRATIC AT TIMES.

WON SAID SOMETHING TO THE ENGINEER WHO THEN WHISPERED SOMETHING TO HIS GIRLFRIEND. SHE GAVE HIM MONEY. THE ENGINEER LEFT AND CAME BACK WITH MORE BEER.

WE CAUGHT WON WALKING AROUND THE COFFEESHOP. HE WAS TALKING TO A FAT WHITE LADY. HE CAME BACK AND SAID THAT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL. I DISAGREED. HE TOLD ME THAT I WASN'T EITHER. I TOLD WON TO FUCK HIMSELF.

WON'S WIFE CAME TO GET HIM. SHE HONKED IN THE BUSY STREET AND HE GESTURED FOR HER TO KEEP DRIVING. HE SAID SHE DOESN'T LIKE FOR HIM TO DRINK BECAUSE HE COMES HOME SINGING.

WON MADE A GOVERNMENT WORKER SIT WITH US. HE PLAYED ALONG, SITTING AWKWARDLY, REFUSING OUR BEER. WON'S FRIEND VINCENT YOUNG FOUND US TOO. HE'S AN ARTIST AND HE WAS IN SOME WAY, AT SOME POINT, CONNECTED TO THE LOUVRE.

WON BECAME VISIBLY DRUNK. BEER WAS DRIPPING FROM HIS CHIN, LEAVING A CIRCLE OF WETNESS BETWEEN HIS NIPPLES.

HE BROUGHT VINCENT AND I TO DINNER. WE HAD TO PULL HIM OUT OF THE BUSY STREET AS HE TRIED TO GET A TAXI.

THE RESTAURANT SERVED US SMALL RAW FISH SLICED THIN. WE ATE IT, BONES AND ALL SITTING INDIAN STYLE ON THE TILE FLOOR. WE DRANK SOJU AND I TOASTED MY NEW BROTHERS.

WON BEGAN EMBARRASSING VINCENT - YELLING ABOUT THE JAPANESE, AND GETTING A YOUNG BOY'S PHONE NUMBER.

WON MOVED TO A TABLE OF DRUNK YOUNG MEN. VINCENT AND I SOON FOLLOWED. THE MEN DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH BUT ONE SAID I WAS HANDSOME. I TOLD HIM HE WAS AS WELL AND I GRABBED HIS CHEEK. HE SAID "NO TOUCHY FACE". I LIT A CIGARETTE AND WAITED FOR MY SOUP.

A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT WALKED IN WITH HIS FAMILY. WE TOOK TURNS BOWING AND SHAKING HIS HAND. WON LEFT WITH A BOTTLE OF SOJU AND CAME BACK WITH THE REPRESENTATIVE WHO SAT WITH US ON THE TILE FLOOR. WON SAID, "WON JUNIOR, GIVE HIM YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS." AND I DID.

WITHOUT WARNING, WON'S LITTLE EYES BECAME SCARED AND SELF-RIGHTEOUS. HE DIRECTED HIS RAGE FIRST AT THE WAITRESS. THEN AT THE REPRESENTATIVE, WHO TOOK ON THE APPEARANCE OF A HOSTAGE.

WON FLIPPED OVER A TABLE. AND THEN ANOTHER. SOJU BOTTLES, PLATES AND SHOT GLASSES SHATTERED, SOUP SPILLED, RAW FISH AND KIMCHI SLAPPED AGAINST THE TILE FLOOR. RESTAURANT WORKERS RUSHED TO SAVE THE ELECTED OFFICIAL. I GRABBED MY BACKPACK AND RAN HOME LAUGHING DRUNK.